So. When the ball dropped to mark 2009 and the four-month marker hit, a little switch went off in my brain. "Flip," it went. And so started my brain. Like a little furry hamster in a very small wheel. Spin, spin, spin, and so forth.
At the risk of feeling like a negative nellie instead of a positive penny, I am going to vent about this brain-on-overdrive feeling. It's always been a serious and very dangerous personality flaw that I claim. When an event or major project is on my plate, I get nearly obsessed (note the word "nearly") with the lists of things to do. I get worried about all of these timelines and deadlines and details. I think it comes from being in journalism. Deadlines are the most important element. Anyway, so poor Patrick has had to deal with these random outbursts of wedding-related information and decisions. They come without warning.
Here's a scenario: We're driving on I-65 on the way home from Indianapolis:
P: (singing to the radio, looking out the window...we're talking about a billboard or the additions to St. Francis Hospital or something)
Me: "So, where do you usually rent a tux? Do you want to wear brown, gray, black, a navy suit? Cause you'll have green on your lapel and you have blue eyes and blue would look nice. But then can you rent a suit or do you have to buy one?
P: "Where did that come from?"
Me: "I don't know, I was just thinking about it."
P: "You're ridiculous."
Me: "The wedding is only like 119 days away..."
P: "Why do you KNOW that?"
For the reasons above, I'm trying to put a speed bump in the wheel. I also discovered recently that rather than getting him excited, the constant talkign and questions build anxiety up so that the day-of is something scary. Ah-ha! moment! The spinning makes me exhausted and Patrick worried. Not fun. So, I made a new rule last night for myself. When I feel the spin starting...take 5 seconds to breathe deeply and think 'is this the right moment to discuss such a silly detail?' Then if necessary, I can say to myself "cool it chick!" Good plan? Am I going insane? Ha!